Hot Konoha Nights
by idpaintballer
Summary: It's the hottes time in almost ten years! How will the residents, or more exactly, Naruto, survive the heat? Rated M for foul language. Always, please review!
1. The Heatwave Begins

**Author's Note: Sorry about the underlining and italics. When ever I upload something, it automaticaly puts everying in underline and italics. I have tried everything but have had no success in stopping this. I uploaded this story then didn't check it before submitting it, please forgive me for any eye strain. Thank you Blackfishi and Komet1987 for bringing this to my attention and for your comments!**

"Its going to be another scorcher today, better prey to find somewhere that has an air conditioner or find somewhere cool to be. Today's high is going to be above 100 degrees" Naruto's alarm clock sounded as he smacked it across the room. "Tell me something I don't know but want to hear damnit" Naruto hissed as he looked at the thermometer on his wall. "Umm, already 87 at only 6 in the morning" he groaned as he walked to his bathroom, wearing nothing. He climbed into the shower and turned it all the way to cold. He pulled the knob and let the cold water cascade on his body. The cool water was some relief but he knew it wouldn't last as he stepped back into the sweltering world of his apartment. "Damn, this is too hot" Naruto said out loud as he got dressed and opened the window. The normally loud and bustling street outside was silent as the villagers had decided to do everything at night. Naruto opened the door to his apartment and looked across the roof of the building outside his door. He watched as he could see the heat ripple off of it as he turned his attention to the cloudless sky.

Naruto stepped out into the street and instantly removed his jacket and tied it around his waist. He walked for what seemed like for ever before he reached the training grounds and found a sign on the gate as well as a padlock. The sign read "Due to the extreme heat, all training and missions have been postponed until weather cools down to normal.". Naruto looked at the river on the other side of the gate and attempted to jump the fence before being pulled to the ground by his ankle. "Excuse me, what are you planning on doing?" an ANBU standing behind him asked, sweat dripping from his mask. "Damn, they have to stay in uniform even in this heat" Naruto thought. "You didn't answer my question Naruto, what were you going to do in the training grounds?" the ANBU asked again. "I was going to go for a swim" Naruto said with a tired voice. "Well, you know that everyone is banned from the training grounds for now, so move along" the ANBU commanded and Naruto obeyed, moving along and away from the training grounds.

He walked through the streets and ran into Sai. Sai was wearing a pair of shorts and a tee shirt. "Sai, put on some pants, you white legs are blinding me" Naruto joked as Sai looked at him with a strange look. "I believe this heat will kill your sperm Naruto-kun, even though your tiny dick won't have the chance to deliver them" Sai said in his usual tone. "Sai, if it wasn't so hot, I'd kill you" Naruto hissed as he walked by Sakura who was holding some books. "Good day Sakura-chan" Naruto rang out and Sakura looked at him with a look of shear annoyance. "What, we just met for today" Naruto said in his defense. "Oh, its not you, its this damned heat" Sakura said as he walked up the walkway to the library. Naruto decided to follow her.

The two walked up the walkway and noticed the ANBU standing at the door. He watched Sakura enter and was stopped by one of the guards. "Come on" Naruto whined as the other guard pointed at the sign that read "Maximum Occupancy: 250". "Huh" was all Naruto could get out before he was waved on. "Umm, ANBU at the library, that must mean that they have air conditioning and they are playing crowd control." Naruto though to himself.

Naruto turned down a small road and he remembered who lived there. He walked down it and once he reached the third house on the right, he walked in the yard and knocked on the door. "Coming" he heard form within as Shizune walked to the door. "Hi Shizune, mind if I come in" Naruto said with a smile. "Not at all" Shizune replied as she stepped out of the way. "Wow, its hot in here" Naruto said as he stepped in. "Ya, the AC went out this morning" Shizune said as she sat in front of a fan with a bag of ice placed between herself and the fan. "So, where is Tsunade?" Naruto asked. "She's at the tower" Shizune replied to see Naruto run out the front door. "Hn, must be looking for somewhere that's cooler" She thought to herself as she shut the door.

Naruto walked to the Hokage tower and noticed that there were no guards. He walked in and made a bee line for Tsunade's office and knocked on the door. "Its not any cooler in here brat, Shizune already called" Tsunade said from behind the door. "I saw the air conditioner in the window, now open up." Naruto screamed as he pounded on the door louder. "Listen here, that office is down the hall" Tsunade replied from behind her door again. "You mean old hag, the entire floor is your office" Naruto said as he could feel the ground start to shake. Tsunade opened the door and pulled Naruto into the office. "See, no AC, no nothing, now leave me alone" she shouted as Naruto raised up two fingers. "Kai" Naruto shouted as the entire room went blue before returning to normal, releasing the genjutsu Tsunade had in place. "Well, I didn't want to be bothered" Tsunade plead as Naruto glared at her. "I promise, I'll tell no one" Naruto plead. "OK, fine, just stay quiet" Tsunade said as she closed the door. "Fine" Tsunade sighed as she went back to her desk.

Tsunade was busy at her paperwork when there was a poof of smoke. "I said keep it quiet" Tsunade said as she looked into the room and found both Kakashi and Yamato sitting next to Naruto on the couch. "When the hell did they get here" Tsunade asked. "Not too long ago, I summoned them" Naruto said. "Oh really, you broke your end of the deal now I'll break mine" Tsunade said as she kicked the three out of her office.

"Now where are we going to go" Yamato whined. "I've got AC, how about my place" Kakashi piped up. "Then why the hell did you go to Tsunade's office and ruin our time" both Naruto and Yamato screamed. "Its because I don't want to run my electricity bill up too high" Kakashi said. "You cheap little tight ass" Yamato said as Naruto's eyes started to glow red. "Naruto, calm yourself" Yamato said as Naruto looked at Kakashi with a murderous intent. "You cheap tight ass man whore" Naruto spat out as Kakashi looked at Naruto with wonder. "What did he just call me" Kakashi thought to himself as Naruto answered his question. "That's right you pansy ass man whore, I called you a tight ass, got a problem with that you cheap son of a bitch" Naruto said as Yamato slowly advanced on Naruto, who was releasing a single tail.

The heat had already landed many people in the hospital from either heat related fights or even heat stroke, and now, Kakashi was about to end up in the hospital because of Naruto. "Naruto, calm yourself, your tail is out" Yamato commanded in the luckily empty street. "Clam it, you experimental piece of shit" Naruto spit out towards Yamato who only looked on in shock. Sakura heard the foul words and came to investigate. She had been told to go to the main gate to pick up the traffic reports. She walked up to Kakashi who had looked like a bomb had gone off. "What's going on here" she asked as Kakashi only looked down to her. "Naruto's snapped because of the heat" he said with a sad tone. Before she knew it, his latest attack was aimed at her. "Oh, look, it's the strawberry hair slut, did they kick you out of the library for opening your legs and making the place smell like fish" Naruto said in an angry tone. Before Naruto had a chance to react, he was smacked across the street by a now fuming Sakura who was already holding a hand full of senbom needles. "Listen here you little bastard, one more word and I will kill you" Sakura hissed through her now gritting teeth. "Sakura, why even warn me, I am sure hell would be cooler then here" Naruto whined as Kakashi and Yamato looked at him. "You little brats, quiet down" the four heard from above them to find Tsunade with an arsenal of possible projectiles, looking down at them from the top of the Hokage tower. "Make me be quiet you old loose hag." Naruto screamed as Tsunade launched the first object to the earth, it hitting with a loud thud making a small crater.

The group of four now left the fuming Hokage to do her work in the air conditioned rooms of the Hokage tower. "How about Ichiraku's" Naruto said as the group walked past the ramen shack, feeling a cold breeze. "Sure, it seems cool in there" Yamato said. The four entered the ramen bar and were greeted by Ayume. "Sorry, we are full" she said as she ushered them off. "Damn that mean old bitch" Naruto whined as he was hit in the head by a heavy pot. "You ever call my daughter that, I'll never serve you again" Teuchi said. "Oh ya you grumpy old son of a bi" Naruto was cut off by another heavy item hitting him on the head. "Now shut the hell up you bakka" Sakura screamed as Naruto slowly regained his composer and stood up. "What the hell was that for you stupid little whore" Naruto said as Sakura knocked him again over the head. "I know its only the heat, now calm down before the village has an actual reason to hate you" Sakura said as Naruto picked himself up off the ground. "She has a point, lets go to Kakashi's and set up a 'heat shelter'" Yamato said. "You know, it'll be at least a few dollars each" Kakashi said as Yamato turned around with a ghoul face. "It'll be compliments of yourself" Yamato said as Kakashi started to sweat even more. "Of course, what was I thinking" Kakashi stuttered as Naruto turned to Sakura. "I guess his face even scares Kakashi" Naruto said as Yamato turned to Naruto with the same face. "And we'll be quiet and thankful for his generosity" he said. "Yes, sir!" both Naruto and Sakura stuttered.

The four walked through the streets and finally arrived at Kakashi's place. "So, this is how a tight ass jounin lives" Naruto joked as he felt someone hit him. He looked up expecting to see Sakura but she wasn't the one who hit him. For the first time ever, Yamato had struck Naruto for saying something smart. Sakura stood there, staring at her captain who still had his fist doubled as Yamato also looked at his own fist. "What the hell was that for you small dicked pansy ass" Naruto shot off as Yamato created a wooden crate around Naruto. "Let me out" Naruto screamed as Yamato cut a hole so Naruto could get some air. "Its called a coffin, and if you don't stop, it's where you'll end up." Yamato said with some extremely scary ghoul eyes. Everyone looked at the bottom of the box as it started leaking a yellow fluid and they could hear Naruto's teeth chattering on the inside. "I think you scared the piss out of him, Yamato" Kakashi said as he walked over to the air conditioner and turned it on. Yamato released his jutsu and let Naruto free. Naruto stood up and walked over to the bathroom. "I need a shower and change" Naruto said as he closed the door. "Just don't use my soap" Kakashi said as Naruto walked out of the bathroom completely nude. "What's wrong, afraid I'll get pubes on it" Naruto said as he laughed at Sakura who was on the ground with a nose bleed.

Naruto walked out of the bathroom wearing an orange shirt and a pair of black pants. "When did you get those" Yamato asked, remembering how Naruto was dressed when he ran into him earlier that day. "I made a clone and had him teleport to my apartment" was all Naruto said as he noticed Sakura look up with a blush at him. "Um, like what you saw" Naruto joked expecting to be decked for the comment. "Shut it you bakka" Sakura said before decking Naruto and going back to watching TV. Naruto was not surprised, Sakura decked him. The three of them sat there and slowly started to succumb to the heat that was now cut off by the cool of the air conditioner.


	2. Morning After

Chapter 2: Morning After

Naruto woke to find himself still within the coolness of Kakashi's small apartment. He looked around to find that Sakura and Yamato were still there, still sleeping. "Ah, so cool" Naruto said as the air conditioner suddenly stopped. "What the hell" Naruto screamed as he could feel the temperature increase with every second. "Be quiet bakka, I am trying to enjoy the cool air" Sakura said before she noticed that the air conditioner had stopped. "What the hell did you do" Sakura yelled, waking the other two ninja who were sleeping in the room. "I didn't do anything, I woke up and it stopped working" Naruto plead as Sakura backed him to the wall. "It's a blackout, Sakura, don't beat Naruto, he didn't cause it" Yamato said as he woke from his slumber. "Then who the hell do we blame for this" Sakura said as Kakashi smiled in his sleep. "You cheep little tight ass man whore cock sucker, you did this, didn't you" Naruto growled as Sakura's and Yamato's eyes widened at the string of obscenities that just flowed out of Naruto's mouth. "Naruto, language, please" Yamato plead as he held his ears and Sakura looked at him with murderous intent clearly visible in her eyes and written across her billboard sized forehead in the form of bulging veins. "Naruto, you need to stop cursing" Sakura said with her fist doubled. "Or what, you're going to fist me" Naruto shot off before he realized what he said. "Don't be gross" Sakura yelled as she brought a fist forward, making contact with Naruto. "Damnit" Naruto screamed as he flew across the room right into a wall. "Why did you hit me you bitch" Naruto said as Sakura appeared next to him and kicked him through the wall he was against. Yamato and Kakashi watched in fear for their own lives as Sakura let Naruto have it until they noticed that he had stopped moaning or making any noises. "Sakura stop, he's down" Kakashi said as Yamato formed a wood jutsu cage separating Naruto and Sakura.

Naruto opened his eyes and noticed that he was no longer within Kakashi's apartment. He looked around and took in a deep sniff. The smell of jasmine filled his nose as he was lost in his thoughts trying to remember who this smell reminded him of. "Oh, Naruto-kun, you're awake" he heard from the door as he saw Shizune walk in with a platter with a pitcher of water and a glass. He looked further at Shizune, waiting for Sakura to come in behind her. "Don't worry, Tsunade asked me to watch over you until the heat is over. I also had my air conditioner fixed" she said as she set down the platter on the table next to his bed. "Where is she at?" Naruto asked in a almost fearful tone. "She is at the hospital, the heat is causing more problems then many thought it would" Shizune said as she stood back up. "Oh, I see" Naruto said as he started to stand up. As he stood up, the sheet over him started to slip, then it fell to the floor. Naruto looked at Shizune, who was now covered in a deep blush, he then looked down. "Oh God" Naruto screamed as he reached for the closest thing to him which to his despair was a plant. "Naruto-kun, you might not want to hold that plant too close, it'll cause a rash" Shizune said, laughing and blushing at the same time as Naruto dropped the plant. "Shit" Naruto swore as he grabbed his boxers and slid them on. "Why are you blushing, Naruto-kun?" Shizune asked in a playful tone as she walked closer to him, swaying her hips from side to side. "Because, I was exposed" Naruto said before vanishing in a cloud of smoke. "Damn him" Shizune said after Naruto vanished.

Naruto sushined into his apartment, feeling the heat the moment he got there. "Damnit" he cursed as he walked to the bathroom and filled the tub full of cold water. Naruto stripped down to nothing and jumped into the tub. He sat there, relaxing, relishing in the cold water. "If I were to stay here until it cooled down, then I wouldn't have to go anywhere for relief from the heat" Naruto mused aloud. He sat there, feeling sleep quickly approach him. Before he knew it, he was fast asleep.

Naruto slept for hours before he was woke by an odd smell. He opened his eyes to see that his bathroom looked hazy. He gave the air a good sniff, then it hit him. "Shit, fire" Naruto grumbled out as he smelt the air again to determine what was burning. "Fuck" Naruto screamed as he realized that the smell was that of a house fire. He heard a loud crack and turned to his right and he could see smoke coming into his bathroom from a vent. He jumped out of the bath tub and put on a robe. He ran to the door, placing his hand on the knob. He instantly pulled his hand back after feeling the heat on the knob. Naruto was in shock. He was stuck inside his windowless bathroom with no way to escape the fire that likely raged just outside his bathroom. He shrunk to the back of his bathroom. Naruto stood there, in thought as he heard something brush against his door. "I wonder what that was" Naruto thought before he saw flames licking from under the door. "Fuck, so this is how its all going to end" Naruto said to himself before he heard some voices outside the door. "Bedroom clear" one voice said. "Kitchen clear" another voice said. Just as Naruto was wondering what was going on, he heard the sound of an axe chopping into the bathroom door. Just as the door broke off the hinges, he lowered his head to protect himself form not only the fire he knew was now coming right at him, but also the flying pieces of wood. "We have one in here, have the medics ready" he heard a voice say as he looked up to see the outline of someone running at him. Naruto looked past the figure, at the raging fire behind them. He felt himself be picked up and noticed he was being carried towards the fire. Before he could even voice his concern, the fire seemed to split, making a path right to his door. As Naruto felt like he was flying out the door as he passed out.

Out on the street, Sakura and some other medics were on scene of the fire. The entire building was burning and they were pouring water on it as fast as they could, but there was no end to the flames. Sakura looked up towards the door as she saw Genma dressed in his white firefighters cloak come out, carrying Naruto's lifeless body. "I'll take him" Sakura said as Genma passed Naruto to her. "Where was he" she asked as Genma took off his mask. "He was in the bathroom, the fire was right outside the door" he said as Sakura went to work on Naruto. Sakura heard a loud creaking sound before she turned her head and looked at the building. She saw the balcony that came off of Naruto's bedroom vanish into a cloud of smoke and flames as the sounds of breaking glass and splintering wood filled the street. She did a quick scan and sent Naruto off to the hospital.

Tsunade and Shizune were both at the hospital treating the many victims of the fire that was consuming the apartment building that Naruto lived in. The two of them thought that Naruto had gone to the training grounds and went for a swim but they were both in for a shock when the medics came into the emergency room carrying Naruto. "Where was he" Shizune asked, noticing the soot around Naruto's nose and mouth. "He was discovered in his bathroom. The bath tub was full of water" the medic said as Tsunade went to work on setting an IV drip and Shizune put a oxygen mask over Naruto's face. The two watched as Naruto's breathing became more regular and decided that it was time for Naruto to go to his room. "Shizune, take Naruto to his room and make sure that he is comfortable" Tsunade said before walking to the next room where she was sure that there would be another victim from the fire.

Shizune sat at Naruto's bed, watching him breath, thankful that he made it out in time. She looked up at his eyes and noticed that they were going tense then relaxing. She sighed as Naruto opened his eyes. "Wh…where am I" Naruto said weakly as he looked around the room. "You're in the hospital, there was a fire at your apartment and you had to be rescued" Shizune said as Naruto looked around the room. "Oh, was it bad" Naruto said as Shizune looked at him with a tear in her eye. "Yes, yes it was. The building collapsed just after you got out. I don't know if there was anyone killed or not but we got almost everyone from the building here as a patient" Shizune said. "Who rescued me" Naruto asked. "Shiranui Genma" Shizune said as Naruto's eyes started to water. "They sent in a ninja after the demon" Naruto cried out as Shizune took him into a deep hug. "Your registration only said what building you lived in, not what apartment you lived in. He not only saved you but also three other people" Shizune said, patting Naruto on the back of the head, trying to sooth him. "But, he's what, a Jounin, they sent someone like him into the fire" Naruto sobbed as he looked around to find said Jounin standing in the door. "Oh, I see you finally woke up" Genma said as he walked over to Naruto. "Thank you" Naruto said as he could see the burn marks on Genma's hands. "This isn't anything too bad, I just wanted to check on everyone" Genma said while Naruto's eyes started watering even more. "I'll leave you two alone for a while. See you later, Naruto" he said as he walked out the door. "Naruto what's wrong" Shizune asked as Naruto started to sob harder. "I don't have a place to live now" Naruto said between sobs. "Sure you do, you can move in with me until you find a place to live, or you could ask Iruka. I am sure that even Tsunade would let you move in with her" Shizune said, making Naruto stop sobbing. "I guess that'll be good. I mean living with you." Naruto said before feeling himself become heavy. "I need more sleep" Naruto moaned out before passing out for the second time that day.


End file.
